Madeira Diaries
I’m out of here for 5 days.
This is my first trip outside of the UK since the pandemic, and it is a solo one. I committed myself quite a few years ago that I would have a solo trip every year, and I’m so glad that I got the opportunity to do this again. The destination would be Madeira which I had wanted to visit for quite a while.
I had mixed feelings and deliberated over the flights for quite a few days. Restrictions have been lifted, and travel for leisure can resume again. Should I go, or should I stay and continue to still live like I’m on a self-imposed lockdown? I decided to Get Out. I had been super careful all this time, and if not now, when?
My procrastination cost me £100 as the flights I planned on taking (Easy Jet) went up by nearly £100. The decision was made, and hello, Jet 2 and TUI, who were slightly more cost-effective. It is a strange feeling to be booking a trip. It’s like I’m travelling for the first time. So I’m off, packed and double vaxxed, and you’re coming along for the journey too.
Day 1
I spent the night packing. I had an intense work week and not much time for anything else. I woke up feeling like I hadn’t slept, which is a daily occurrence, but the excitement and nerves of going away helped me to move around faster than normal.
The Uber booked at 6.30 am turned on time to take me to the coach stop for the National Express departing at 7.12 am. I didn’t have time to meditate, so I did this on the coach whilst also falling asleep. The time went quickly, and I arrived at Stansted Airport just before 8 am.
Note to self to buy a new cabin suitcase as another person took mine. We had the same Primark case, which most people have in standard black. Luckily, she realised and came back. We swapped and headed off with our own cases. Phew, as we were not the same size.
Going through security was as normal as pre-2020, but it took an hour to get through as my bag got pulled along with many others. We had to wait whilst they were checked with the small white strip, which I think is an explosives check. After clearing my bag, I headed to Pret for a croissant and a cappuccino. Bliss.
I recently started watching a series called The Bold Type. I wanted something easy to watch, and this seemed just like what I was after no judgement, please. I’ve decided to stick with it for a few more episodes to see how it develops. I put it on whilst eating to get into holiday mode. I also watch and wonder if we will live with face masks forever. It’s such a small price to pay to keep ourselves and everyone else healthy. After a few checks on the flight board, my gate number was finally updated.
Arrrggghhh. One more Covid related check to get on the flight, and there was a form I had to complete online called Madeira Safe before travelling, which I haven’t. My research skills have failed me. The staff member helpfully let me scan a QR code which took me to the form. I quickly filled it out and re-joined whilst others in the queue were also scrambling to do so. Not long after, I’m on the flight, and it sinks in that I will be in a different country in a few hours. Side note - no one from Stansted Airport asked to check for vaccine documentation.
We land in Madeira at 2 pm, and it is hot, and there is no need for the heavy coat that I’m wearing. The transfer arranged via the hotel was ready and waiting. I thought it was a free shuttle, but it turned out to be €38. I take this in my stride and enjoy the conversation with the driver. She gives me a tour and updates me on the impact of Covid on the island.
I arrived at The Savoy Palace Hotel. It’s lovely. For RHOP fans, I saw the hotel on the show and knew when I went to Madeira that I would be staying there. Very clever advertising, and now that I think about it, I should have mentioned to the staff when I was checking in how I came to book this particular hotel.
The room is gorgeous, and the view is beautiful. That is exactly why I booked a stay here. The hotel is lovely, but I’m sure the other hotels nearby are just as great. The brand is why they can charge so much for the rooms. I make myself at home and break the espresso machine in the process.
After a while, I head down to the outside pool and have a late lunch/early dinner. How very British of me to have a burger and fries (chicken burger, to be exact). During other meals, I will have Portuguese cuisine. I added a passion fruit cocktail, too, because why not. I read, eat and relax and enjoy the sun on my skin. The current book I’m reading is The Miniaturist, which is getting better the more it goes on. Great writing.
I swim and stay around the pool until early evening and accidentally leave behind my reusable favourite mask. It had a little gold chain attached so that I would never lose it, which on this occasion, didn’t help. It was never to be seen again.
I’m back in my room, knackered, shower, and get into bed with a cup of tea. Why doesn’t it taste the same outside of the UK? I watch YouTube Videos - Lewis Howes interviewing Robert Greene and then a video of one of Londrelle’s live performances. A great way to fall asleep.
Day 2
So glad that I had turned off my phone alarm. I wake up naturally (but still early). I meditate on the balcony and really feel like I’m on holiday now. I realise the espresso machine is working and realise how to turn it on. I’ve an espresso and go back outside on the balcony to read. It doesn’t take long for me to remember why I’m not really an espresso fan, but I drink it very slowly anyway.
Shower time and I’m in there for ages feeling grateful that I can travel again whilst also imagining I’m under a waterfall. Once I’m ready, I go down to a lovely breakfast and read more of the book. I also think about Portugal’s huge role in the slave trade and all the things that would have taken place in Madeira, considering that its location is closer to Africa than it is to mainland Portugal. Yep, I’m always switched on.
I decide to go for a walk into the town centre, which is only a 10-minute walk, and I stop off at an excursion office along the way. The tours they offer are cheaper than what I was going to book on Get Your Guide. I decided to come back and book later. Not sure why I didn’t book straight away - Chief Procrastinating Officer. The centre is lovely, as is the walk. I stop to look at the statue that is attracting a lot of visitors. It’s a Christiano Ronaldo statue that is massively popular.
I head back to the hotel after doing a leisurely recce of the centre and what is on offer and head up to the rooftop infinity pool to relax. Serene for a while, then noisy as FK. Firstly a woman nearby is on the phone trying to repair her relationship with her partner, which is not in Madeira. It’s hard for everyone not to be disturbed by it. Then, as soon as we think she is near the end of the call, another couple is set up on the sunbeds near her. He is making business deals very loudly while she is very animated on another call about talking about food at McDonald’s. Very annoying, but I’m going to the hotel spa later, so this will balance out the noise.
I decided to escape by walking back to the excursion office to book the East Madeira tour for €25. I stop at the store and buy a bottle of Blue Moscato (never had this before), a king-sized bag of ruffles, and a king-size chocolate bar. Living like a King and a Queen, I also picked up a couple of fridge magnets. One for my mum and one for me. One of my travel traditions.
I’m back on the balcony of my room and am having a lovely afternoon drinking and eating crisps and loving Life right now. Blue Moscato looks like WKD blue, just like I was back in the ’90s.
I know I’ve an unexpectedly nice buzz and am full of crisps—small pleasures. I head to the spa listening to Midnight Train to Georgia whilst texting my friend and telling him about the crisps and Moscato party. He would have loved it.
The spa is gorgeous, and I’m tipsy. It’s all green and dark, and few people are here. Perfect. I feel amazing. I’ve done a few of my favourite things this week, and it is only Tuesday. Travelling, Reading, Spa-ing.
I head back to the room when the spa closes at 8 pm. There is a complimentary chocolate on the bed, which I eat in one bite and head into the shower to wash my hair.
At the airport, I went to Boots to pick up some toiletries and am trying Coconut Miracle Oil by OGX for the first time, which I planned to use as a blow-dry oil. It’s not a blow-dry oil. Well, not for my hair texture, anyway. After adding a generous amount to my hair a few minutes in, I realise this is not the product for me.
I get back in the shower and co-wash my hair. This doesn’t work. It’s all still in my hair, so I get back in and shampoo again, but this does not make a bloody difference. I need to progress or won’t be eating until after 10 pm. I dry my hair with a towel and put in some conditioner, and put it in a bun. I get dressed and head out.
I dined at a nearby restaurant. Literally, around 2 minutes walk away. Scabbard fillet with banana flambé, veg, sweet potato, and a few small glasses of wine. This costs around €25. So far everything is reasonably priced, even alcohol. There are other diners, but they are nowhere near what they should have been for this time of year. I’ve my customary pistachio ice cream for dessert, my holiday flavour. All thoughts of my hair nightmare have disappeared.
I head back to the hotel and fall asleep just before setting the alarm for tomorrow's trip.
Day 3
I’m up early, so I’ve time to meditate, shower, and have breakfast before being at the front of the hotel at 9 am to begin the tour.
I still feel full from dinner and breakfast and regret not skipping breakfast due to the long bus ride. I start to feel ill not long after the journey starts. Heat + Overly Full Stomach + Road Trip. Oh shit. I accept the fact that I’m going to be sick today and say a silent prayer that it does not happen on the bus.
After getting through to the second stop of the trip, I manage to get 50 cents quickly out for the toilet charge before rushing into a cubicle and throwing up twice. This was not part of the luxurious trip that I had in mind. I clean up and realise it has got on to my favourite pair, my Converse. I make a mental note to buy the same pair whilst cleaning up the cubicle and myself and continue the tour without anyone knowing.
My hair has expanded and is all over the place from my internal temperature and the external heat. I try to make it look neater, but I`m without a hair brush or product, so this does not work. It will have to stay this way for the rest of the day.
I managed to enjoy the rest of this stop and asked another tourist to take a picture of me, and she asked for the same in return. I look slightly dishevelled in the photo but feel better than I look. My hair continued to expand more and more, and the sweat on my forehead was not just because of the sun. My temperature starts to stabilise after a while. Good Times.
Madeira is so gorgeous and blue. I’m feeling very much alive now. The view on the third stop is beautiful. We are here for 40 minutes, and it has beautiful nature trails. I do the shortest one and set a timer on my phone as I can walk for ages without realising the time.
My alarm goes off, and I turn around and speed walk back to the spot so I do not get left behind. Next stop, Santana. The houses are not as small as I thought they would be. They are lovely, though. I asked another tourist to take my photo. I don’t think she wanted to, but she does oblige. I’m glad I asked, as it’s a nice photo. I must learn how to take a good selfie.
The next stop is Machio, which has a lovely sandy beach. I’m feeling peckish but am scared to eat. I go to a coffee shop, have a cappuccino and a pineapple pudding dessert, and eat slowly.
There is one last stop which has a stunning view. So pretty that I forgot to take out my phone to take a snap, and then it’s back to the hotel. I rest in the room for a bit with chamomile tea and the last of the chocolate and a complimentary Toblerone piece.
I head down and get comfortable on a sunbed and read. I really want a drink, but none of the hotel team seems to be coming around and taking any food or drink orders today. I wonder whether I’m getting good value for money. After a leisurely swim and more relaxation, I return to the room for rest and a shower. I get ready for dinner whilst watching The Kabs Family on YouTube. They are so funny, and their vlogs always make me laugh.
I wear a nice new old black dress that I’ve worn yet and head out for dinner. After a 2-minute walk, I’m at the Grill Restaurant next door to the restaurant I went to the night before. This was the best meal so far. After 2 glasses of red Portuguese wine, a beef skewer with salad, and sweet potato fat fries (I like them skinny), I end the day feeling better than when it started.
After speaking to the waiter, I find out he also works at the hotel where I’m staying. He gives me some advice about the sledging that I want to try. In return, he asks for advice on hospitality jobs in London post-Brexit. I offer the truth and some hope. Things are shit but don’t give up.
I felt like the trip was meant when I noticed my holiday nails matched the tablecloth. I head back to the hotel and more YouTube videos before falling asleep.
Day 4
After a nice lie-in, I head down to breakfast.
They serve breakfast at two restaurants; one doesn’t stop serving until 11 am, which is great. I factored this in with my decision to sleep in. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, after all.
I head to the pool after breakfast and remember that I haven’t meditated yet. I meditate and continue sunbathing at the pool. I move to a second location as building works are happening nearby, disturbing my peace. I will take a photo of the next book I would like to add to my book club socials - How to Win Friends And Influence People. I will start this tomorrow as I’m nearly finished reading my current book.
Once comfortable and relaxed in a new spot, I listen to an episode of the Reasonably Shady podcast. Having just discovered this podcast, I hit subscribe and remembered that these ladies ultimately factored into my decision to stay at this hotel. It’s a funny show and definitely now going to be one of my regular podcast listens.
I’m on the move again and go up to the roof terrace area, which is only for adults, which is nice and quiet. I order a cocktail called Dark Side Of The Moon which the waitress talks me out of. She says it’s not nice and recommends the Rocket Man. I take her advice. Whilst relaxing and drinking the cocktail, I book a walking tour on the Get Your Guide app for tomorrow at 10 am.
After a few hours, I walk into the town whilst building up the courage to take the cable car to the Botanical Gardens. Once I arrived, I found out the last car left at 1.30 pm. I missed it, so I awkwardly went to the seafront and changed into my swimsuit. My left boob gets exposed, but no one notices, I think, or cares.
After lying on the rocky beach for a while using a towel that I borrowed from the hotel I have a quick dip in the sea. I jump out after a few minutes in case I end up on mainland Portugal as the current is so strong.
I try to relax back on the rocks, but some kids on the promenade are setting off firecrackers. It sounds like gunfire, so I decide to move away and head somewhere else. I’m too blessed right now to put up with stress, and I’m also scared that one of their firecrackers might hit me.
I stop at a nice bar on the front seat and have a Pina Colada, my favourite holiday drink. Once back at the hotel, I’ve more Toblerone, tea, and Team Kabs. I also started packing and checking in for my flight tomorrow—last night blues.
Stress!! I didn’t know I had to pre-book a PCR test before I could check-in for the flight. This takes ages and is very annoying. After over an hour, everything is sorted, and I can fly home tomorrow. Phew.
I decided to still head out of the hotel for dinner at 9.45 pm as it was my last night. I tried a new restaurant and had a lovely talk with the waiter Joseph about jobs in London in hospitality, HGV driving, the alleged labour shortage in the UK, and Brexit. I give him the same advice as the waiter from the other night.
It’s nearly 11 pm. I walk back to the hotel and plan to get some Gelato on the way.
The gelato place is closed, and the holiday is over.
Day 5
No time for breakfast today. I’ve booked a tour at 10 am and need to move quickly, remembering to leave a tip for housekeeping as I won’t return to the room. More packing and I check out and leave the bag in the hotel storage hold. I speed walk into the town centre and am lost, and Google Maps is not helping.
Eventually, I found the meeting point after asking for directions.
The tour of the town was good and lasted 2 hours. There were only 3 of us including the guide. The guide had just finished high school, so I was about 16, so I didn’t bombard him with questions or comments regarding the slave trade, which I already knew the answers to. He speaks a lot about the sugar trade but leaves out the enslaved Africans. As he is 16, after all, so, I decided not to bring this up.
Have you ever heard of the banana pineapple fruit? Me either. But it exists. It’s a hybrid fruit with banana and pineapple trees in Madeira. Fun fact. We were introduced to this fruit on tour at the market and the banana pineapple fruit trees we passed along the route.
The old town is lovely. I walk around after the tour, thinking of all the women in my bloodline who never got to do what I’ve been able to do or will do in the future. This makes my heart hurt. The only sweet part is that they get to do it through me, but everything else is bitter.
There is a lot of pretty art painted on the doors of the old town. The guide said this was to deter the drug and sex trade which he said was working but that it just pushes it to another part of town, so it’s not really working.
The last thing I need to tick off my list is a ride on the cable car. I will have to visit the Botanical Gardens on another trip as I do not have much time.
After queuing for ages, I’m up in the car, and it’s a great view, but who can enjoy it properly when you are up so high in a little tin cabin? The dad of the family I’m in the car with is who. They are lovely, and he talks all the way whilst fearlessly taking pictures and learning from one part of the tiny car to the other, making it sway. They are from Germany and we talk about the impact of Covid in our respective countries.
I don’t like heights but I am glad I took the ride and took the Tobago slide on the way down. It was fun. During the ride down I think about the shoes they are wearing as they look like regular shoes but they must have some sort of special grip although they look so flat.
I walk downhill the rest of the way, which my hips do not thank me for. It was steep, and I thought it would never end. This part of Madeira reminded me of Dominica.
I stopped at the market, bought some fruit, and felt like I was fleeced. €20.34 for 2 dragon fruits and 2 mangoes. I eat one mango on the way back to the hotel and ask for my luggage so I can change into my swimming costume. I put the luggage back in the hold and changed poolside (very discreetly, hopefully).
I walk to the outdoor restaurant in my bathing suit and am wrapped in a towel as none of the staff is around, and I’m hungry. Some of the guests tut, but I ignored them and continued. This does make me sound entitled, but this is part of the service. I ordered my last meal, which was another cheeseburger and a glass of Funchal. The tour guide was shocked when I said I hadn’t tried it. Considering he is 16, he shouldn’t have tried it, either.
I decided I was not impressed with the hotel overall because of the service. It’s 4.20 pm, and I return to the lobby and ask for my luggage. After a quick change in the restroom, I separate out any liquids, etc., so I’m prepared when I get to the airport. After a quick call to my brother, I’m ready to go and jump into a taxi outside the hotel.
Annoyance at the airport. I didn’t realise that they do not accept the boarding pass, which has been emailed and that you have to go to the desk (TUI) to print it out. After a standoff with the TUI agent about the passenger locator form (I couldn’t find the email), she miraculously printed the boarding pass without me going to the other desk and queueing. Once I sort out the passenger locator form, I email it myself. I realise there is a box I should have ticked to send me a pdf.
Now done. Strife over.
The flight feels long and I fall in and out of sleep whilst listening to children crying. They, too, are sad that their holiday is over. I wake up fully and read for the remainder of the journey.
We land at Gatwick at 23.30, and the e-gates do not let me through, which I accept as my karma for my mini row with the TUI Agent.
I’m finally through and regret not pre-booking an Uber. I should have done this whilst checking in online, but that took a long time, and I decided to go out to dinner whilst it was still evening. No Ubers nearby, and Bolt is charging double.
After booking a Bolt, which is a 15-minute wait time, the driver cancels the ride 15 mins later. F Bolt. The holiday is officially over.
It’s after 12 am now, and a lady who is also waiting comes along and asks me which direction I’m going as her son is picking her up. We are going in different directions but nice of her, though. I finally get in a Bolt car with the same driver that cancelled the ride, and it takes ages to get home.
Sometime after 2 am, I’m home and fully awake. I unpack and eat a Twix and down a glass of mango juice. I fall asleep listening to an episode of the Reasonably Shady podcast, and I’m grateful to be home safely and to have also had a holiday.
Total Cost Of Trip: £1380
Thoughts: I enjoyed my time in Madeira. I had wanted to go for a while; I knew it would be my first trip out of the UK since the start of the pandemic. The weather was great as it’s close to Africa, more so than mainland Portugal. The flights were also really reasonable. The hotel was not.
All meals were very reasonably priced. You would pay much more in the UK for what I had. The activities that I did were also at a reasonable price.
The Savoy Palace Hotel was nice. The room was great, the views were lovely, and I had a sea view. It’s close to the harbour, too, so I got to see the cruise ships arrive each day, which had only just resumed. I will probably stay at another hotel when I go back.
The locals said the best time to come is Christmas as the weather is still good and the festivities are in full swing. It was such a chilled vibe. This could have been a combination of Covid and also that the demographic of tourists is, on average, from what I saw, 40 - 60+. It doesn’t seem like a popular destination for families with young children.
This was the perfect location for my mid-pandemic trip. I wasn’t there for the nightlife or day parties, and if that is the trip you are looking for, then head to mainland Portugal. I felt safe the entire trip. As a solo female traveller, this is important, so do your research and know the number for emergency services, as my sister keeps telling me.
Overall it’s a great holiday destination. I’m sure I will be back. Until then, we need to plan where we are going next.